The ‘need’ to feel alive - the chase in sex addiction

During my counselling session with individuals who has a sex addiction problem, sooner or later, we will explore the acting out behaviour. In many cases, they report a sense of feeling alive before and during the act. Addiction specialist often call this ‘the chase’. Interestingly, they might not be enjoying the act. In fact, the sex act itself can feel boring. Yet, the prelude and chase is exciting and thrilling.

What is ‘the chase’ in sex addiction?

It is a rush of excitement that heighten their sense of awareness and attention. All of the sudden, sex addicts have an aim in life to charge towards. They invest their attention to achieve this aim. While pursuing their objective, they are highly energised - awake and motivated. This awaken their sense of self. Often, they reported they feel alive when chasing. They enjoy overcoming the odds and uncertainties and derive a sense of achievement and satisfaction in securing a hook-up. As a result, they are entrapped into this bubble of fantasy-fueled anticipatory enjoyment.

This is in contrast how they live their daily life - mundane, boring and routine. They lack the presence and attentiveness. Responsibilities are obligations. They are behaving like in slumberland. A sleepy dragon waiting for be roused.

How do we reconcile these two contrasting ways of living?

By bringing awareness this discrepancy between reality and ‘the chase’ to our clients. Often, this discrepancy creates a jolting effect on them. Some realised that they have a need for excitement. Unfortunately, they are not experiencing it in the real life. For others, acting out becomes a way to numb themselves. Reality is too dreadful and tiresome. Acting out incites the excitement so that life is a bit more bearable. The answer for the chase is highly personable. This realisation can only be done through self-exploration and inner search.

What could happen next? It really depends on the individual. Some are able to find the answer from within and act accordingly. This gives them the freedom to live the life they wish to. Others might need to explore any underlying attachment or trauma wounds that trigger the acting-out behaviours.

Know that help is available

If you identify with article, know that help is available. Sex addiction can be managed. You can live a meaningful and purposeful life.

Insight Therapy Services provides counselling for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD). We will examine your sex addiction. You learn deeper insights about your actions and yourself. You learn how to gain control over your life.

If you wish to book an initial consultation, visit this page.

For more queries, email me here.