If you are reading this, you might be asking yourself if your sexting actions are problematic. Read on to find out more about how sexting can be problematic. Also, how sexting is a form of sex addiction.

What is sexting?

Sexting is not new. In the past, people flirted via sms, webchats and webcams. We call this cybersex. With the advancement of technology, almost everyone uses a smartphone. Sending flirty texts and provocative images is easier than before. Cybersex has evolved into sexting, where an individual sends or receives provocative or sexually explicit images or texts via a mobile or digital device.

Expression of sexuality is on a continuum. Defining what normal sexual expressions are can be difficult. However, we can base our understanding of substance addictions on explaining how sexting behaviour can be a form of sex addiction. 

Take drinking as an example. Drinking is acceptable in a social setting. Alcohol is seen as a ‘social lubricant’. However, excessive drinking leads to dependence and complications in a person’s life (health, career, relationships). Likewise, sexting in a committed and safe relationship can help to build intimacy and bond between the couple.  There are other indicators where sexting is becoming a problem. Here are 3 indicators :

1. Intention of sexting

2. Lack of regard for safety 

3. Lack of control over sexting 

Intention of sexting

Sexting in a committed relationship is healthy, especially when both of you are living physically apart. However, if your intention is to fulfil your sexual urge instead of building intimacy, you might develop a sex addiction problem. 

 Ask yourself these questions. 

• What is the purpose of sexting? Are you sexting in order to fulfil this sexual urge inside of you? You know that once you have an orgasm, there is no intimacy between you and your partner.  

• Are you looking for greater sexual excitement? Are you progressing from texts, to images, phonecalls and videocalls? Are you persuading your partner to take ‘it’ to a higher level to satisfy your sexual urges?

• Are you seeking multiple partners? Or are you ‘serial’ sexting where you might move on from partner to partner after feeling bored from the previous one. 

If your answer is yes to most of these questions, your sexting behaviour might be problematic. 

Lack of regard for safety

Even though sexting can build intimacy between partners, there is an inherent danger. If the relationship is over, you might be a victim of revenge porn.

Sexting with strangers poses a higher risk. Did you factor that in before engaging in sexting? If not, this could mean that the sexual urges are so strong that you are unable to rationally evaluate the dangers of your behaviour. This is similar to a drug addict that is seeking drugs. He/she is getting his fix at all costs (risk of imprisonment, engaging in risky acts or risk of an overdose). 

Lack of control over sexting

One key indicator of sex addiction is the lack of control. This could mean that sexting behaviour has been overdrive. Alternatively, you find your life is so affected by sexting that you cant seem to fix your life.

For example, you might be compulsively seeking partners for cybersex. Or, you might be spending your time planning for the next sexting. You might realise that you are spending more time on sexting. You end up neglecting social and career commitments. 

Some consequences of sexting can be severe. Your pictures might be leaked. Marriage can be affected if adultery is involved. Some can be minor. For example, your work submission is becoming tardy. Or you are late for appointments because you are engaged in sexting. 

There is one important criterion to understand if you lack control over sexting - even though you try to cut down or remove sexting, you come back to it whenever you are bored, horny or both. This is a big indicator that you might have an addiction problem. 

Know that help is available

If you identify with the 3 indicators, know that help is available. You might not suffer from severe problems from sexting right now. If this persists, you might develop a sex addiction.

Insight Therapy Services provides counselling for Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD). We will examine your sexting behaviour. You learn deeper insights about your actions and yourself. You learn how to gain control over your life.

If you wish to book an initial consultation, visit this page.

For more queries, email me at alex@insight-therapy.com.sg